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Old 10-01-2005, 11:04 PM   #31
gbranmtns
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It seems that lately I have been bombarded with things that make me think about my loved ones I have lost. Today, hubby & I went to Reelfoot Lake, where we were married 8 years ago just to look around (they were having an arts & craft show) We decided to go to the park where we actually married. I was walking on the pier just looking around. A lot of kids & some adults have a bad habit of engraving their names into the wood railing on the pier. I turned around to say something and their it was just as plain as day. My friend's first name (not necessarily her). I just froze. Then we went a little further down the lake to another park that we used to go to all the time when I was a little girl. They used to have a small train and other kiddie rides (like Kids' Kountry in Branson) well when we got their (for the first time in several months) They had taken out all the rides and even gotten rid of the mini golf course. I seems that not only am losing my loved ones, I am losing some of the things that we used to do together. I am missing my mom and my friends. I have a wonderful husband and my daddy & a great stepmom, but sometimes I feel so lonely without having my two best friends or my mom to talk to.
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Old 10-02-2005, 08:36 AM   #32
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My Dad died before he was 70 and in 1986 after retiring he was so happy to be in a position to pay off his home and buy a car for cash...........something he said made him feel like he had been successful, and was successful.

Well Im in that house now...and it's just as beautiful now as it was then.......carefully tended by gardeners and housekeepers as my Mother ages......(heh...she is younger than me.)

But the car the car....it was HIS car......a 1984 Mercury Cougar...powder blue metallic.....hood like an aircraft carrier, and two doors as long as if they were two doors each..........low to the ground.........really cool.



He was so particular...do not slam the trunk or the doors..........I recall. Never park for long in the sun....and many more things that seemed foolish to me back then.

Well...now I'm driving that little gem, it has less than 9000 miles on it, and is totally original, except I get it serviced every time Im here..........and Joe from the Low Carb Board keeps the battery charged and washes it for me before I come.



I realize this material object is just that....but instead of ''My Mother the Car'', if some of you oldsters remember that show on TV.......this is My Father the Car.



When I slammed the door too hard yesterday, I heard the voice from above...and I always apologize for slamming it.....sorry Daddy.



I also promise my Son in Missouri who has classic cars, and shows them, that Im taking very good care of it...............as it flies 70 mph down the freeway.

I love that things here and now give me the pleasure of relating to the past and my loved ones............ITS THE MEMORIES that keep us going....if anything you make is important, consider MAKING MEMORIES the most important........YOU WILL ALWAYS HAVE YOUR MEMORIES, and they will be more valuable than gold.



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Old 10-02-2005, 01:24 PM   #33
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Speaking of the holiday season, my mom loved hosting Thanksgiving and Christmas parties (on Christmas Eve). Thanksgiving 1999 was the last holiday, I got to spend with my momma. She wanted to host a "party" for the family even though she was so sick, because of the cancer. She was in a wheel chair, and on oxygen, but she loved having the family around. Then on December 4 she went back into the hospital, cause she was hurting so bad. I stayed with her that night. The next morning, since I had been up all night and my hubby worked nights, he came and got me. I went home to take a nap. I told her I loved her and I would be back in a couple of hours. She said she loved me too, and to sleep well. An hour later, my cousin (my parents raised her from 7 - 19 years old) came to my house, because she didn't want to tell me over the phone my momma was gone. Christmas came and went, everybody thought I was so strong, because I didn't let them see me cry. Only my dh knew the truth, then in Feb. his 88 yr old grandmother died. (At Christmas she told us she was tired and ready to home as soon as God was ready to take her). I hated the holidays for a few years after that. Actually, I started avoiding all things "Thanksgiving" and "Christmas". This past Christmas I still didn't want to deal with it. I bought the gifts, I wrapped the gifts, I delivered the gifts, before Christmas. I didn't decorate, no tree no nothing. My mom and I used to decorate her tree every year, the day after Thanksgiving. In 1998, I actually bought her a new fake blue spruce tree for her Christmas present. We had a white one up til that year. My dad doesn't put up the tree anymore either. But I told my dh that I would put it up this year, because I think that would be what my momma and my friends & family would want me to do. I know how hard holidays are for us who are left behind. Just try to remember the good times and celebrate their life. That is what I am trying to do. May God Bless you all and the ones you love.
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Old 10-06-2005, 11:29 AM   #34
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Today is not a good day for me. It's exactly 3 months since we buried Daddy and I just couldn't hold back the tears. I know it's better to cry, but honestly, I can't bear the feeling. It's so painful. I looked at a photo of him and I can't believe he's gone. He looked so alive, and so well. I know he's in a better place, or at least I try to console myself with these thoughts, but it's just so HARD How will I face next month? It's his birthday on the 16th and then Thanksgiving. How will I face all the joyful celebrations of Christmas going on around me? Then my birthday is New Years Eve...we were planning to have a great time together in Branson. Life is unbearable at times.
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Old 10-06-2005, 02:07 PM   #35
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IslandGirl I can relate to you on your sorrow of losing your dad. We lost our dad 8 years ago. He was diagnosed with leukemia Nov. 13. My birthday is Nov. 12, I'm the oldest daughter and my youngest sister's birthday is Nov. 14. So we always say that was an awful year that we got that information between our birthdays.
The doctors said he had 2 week to 2 months to live. Well he lived 3 months. That was a really rough time.
We had a Branson trip planned for the week after Thanksgiving. There were 10 of us going. I had to cancell all the show reservations, that was tough.
Then we went through Christmas and all of us knowing that it was going to be the last Christmas with our Dad. It was so hard to be in the Christmas spirit. Many tears were shed that day. My sisters and I like to sing when we get together. Well Daddy asked us to sing that day. He sat in the recliner and had his eyes closed and listened to us, that was tough. He died February 22nd.
Every birthday and holiday you will think of him. My best friend lost her dad 3 years before and the day of my dad's funeral she hugged me and said it will get easier as time goes by and it has. You will still feel sad, but you think more of the happy times you had with him and it is easier.
I also have a star that I talk to every night. We farm and milk cows. The evening of the day that my dad died, after chores as I walked to the house from the barn I looked up as I'm crying and there was this bright shinning star(my dad) and to this day 8 years later. I still look for the brightest star in the sky as I walk to the house every night and I talk to my Dad. It will get easier.
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Old 10-06-2005, 03:12 PM   #36
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Quote:
Originally Posted by IslandGirl
Today is not a good day for me. It's exactly 3 months since we buried Daddy and I just couldn't hold back the tears. I know it's better to cry, but honestly, I can't bear the feeling. It's so painful. I looked at a photo of him and I can't believe he's gone. He looked so alive, and so well. I know he's in a better place, or at least I try to console myself with these thoughts, but it's just so HARD How will I face next month? It's his birthday on the 16th and then Thanksgiving. How will I face all the joyful celebrations of Christmas going on around me? Then my birthday is New Years Eve...we were planning to have a great time together in Branson. Life is unbearable at times.

I don't want this to come out sounding rude or anything, it's ahrd for me to put the right words onhere osmetimes, so please don't take this bad. I don't mean for it to come out wrong. But is there a "grieving" supposrt group in your area? Maybe that would help you with your grieving. My daddy has been gone for about 4 years now, yes it is hard, but think of all the happy times that you got to have with him. You will feel so much better, I know I do. If I thought of him passing away all the time I wouldn't be worht a flip to anyone. Like I posted once before about me losing my first little baby girl, she would have been turning 26 on Oct. 25th. Not a day goes by that I don't think of her, even though I never got to hold her and bond with her, I still miss her and I have a hard time during this month. But she was mine for nine months. It's just like it happened yesterday.
Take care of yourself,
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Old 10-06-2005, 06:34 PM   #37
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Deb makes a good point, IslandGirl. A support group may be of some comfort to you. Maybe even see your family doctor or speak to your pastor. I know that losing someone you are close to is as much a physical blow as it is an emotional one. It is physically draining especially if you have helped care for that person. It is common to suffer from temporary depression, fatigue, anxiety, and weight loss or gain. Getting help for these problems will not keep you from missing and grieving for your dad, but will help you be able to continue on with the business of living and loving. I hope you will accept this advice in the spirit in which it is given. You seem in such deep pain and like the other post, I just want to help.
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Old 10-06-2005, 07:03 PM   #38
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I started a grief support group last month. They are meeting next week Monday. I knew that I would need it and had already looked into that already. No offense taken. On Sunday I should have been down in the dumps but I was pretty cheerful and doing okay. That was the day he had died three months ago. I didn't expect to feel this rotten today though. I had thought that I was beginning to do a lot better...guess I was wrong.

Anyway, I had some problems with anxiety and decided to use exercise to help me. It did. I also signed up for a sewing and genealogy class. I am doing things to make sure that I am occupied and don't just sit around and get depressed. However, you must be aware that no matter how busy you are, or how prepared you might be, there will be days that it falls apart. This is just one of them.

To top it all off, my mother asked me to pick up Daddy's medical records. They came in today and she's away so she wanted me to make sure and get them. That didn't help one bit.
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Old 10-07-2005, 08:07 AM   #39
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You hang in there sweetie. You are on the right track. Better days are ahead and you will begin to feel wonderful instead of sad when you have memories of your dad. I know, I've been there, too.
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Old 10-07-2005, 11:40 AM   #40
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Thank you Floozie. I absolutely love your name and I'm wondering why you chose it? Care to share?
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Old 10-07-2005, 01:56 PM   #41
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Smile

I'm the Queen Mother of a Red Hat Group in Louisiana and we are all just a bunch of Floozies (in our dreams!). LOL...in our day jobs we are just your typical wives, mothers, grandmothers, employees, bosses, etc. except the last Friday night of each month we dress up gaudy, go out in public in all our finery and no one thinks we're odd , at least not anymore! I never thought that at age 53, I would still be able to play "dress up". It's a blast and I would recommend it to anyone!
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Old 10-07-2005, 02:26 PM   #42
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FloozieLoozie
I'm the Queen Mother of a Red Hat Group in Louisiana and we are all just a bunch of Floozies (in our dreams!). LOL...in our day jobs we are just your typical wives, mothers, grandmothers, employees, bosses, etc. except the last Friday night of each month we dress up gaudy, go out in public in all our finery and no one thinks we're odd , at least not anymore! I never thought that at age 53, I would still be able to play "dress up". It's a blast and I would recommend it to anyone!
Gee, you all sound like loads of FUN!!!! I wish you were closer to me. I'm 51, does that count? I don't know what age the "red hats" start.
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Old 10-07-2005, 06:43 PM   #43
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Deb, Red Hat Society is for women of any age but was actually started by a woman over 50. If you are 50 or older, you wear a red hat and purple clothing. The younger ladies wear pink hats and lavender--you don't come into full bloom until you are 50. You can check the details at redhatsociety.com and I'm sure you can find a group in your area. If not--start your own and be the Queen Mother of your group. This is the only organization I belong to that there are no rules or obligations. It's all about taking time for yourself and your friends to have some fun!
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Old 10-07-2005, 07:53 PM   #44
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IslandGirl, God Bless You!! Thats about all I can say... except my heart goes out to you. I lost my grandmaw about 2 1/2 years ago and every Sunday I can still smell her roast, gravy and mashed potatoes!! It has gotton easier as these years have gone by, but now the memories are funny ones and I have said before on this message board of how much I love the burgers at Uptown Cafe... they taste exactly like she used to make..(thin and seasoned only with salt and pepper)!! So when ever we are up there we eat there EVERY DAY!! She was the best!! Of course I didnt realize how wonderful she was until Jesus called her come.
You sound like such a sweet person, and I enjoy reading your posts, so I just wanted you to know that I am thinking of you and praying for you!!!

Huggs!! Christi

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Old 10-08-2005, 03:42 PM   #45
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My Dad died more than 22 years ago. At his service I could not cry! Some said I was in shock, maybe I was, but the tears just wouldn't come out. Three weeks later a friend started whistling "Red River Valley", one of my Dad's favorite songs. Tears started rolling and it was months before I could stop.

I learned my Dad wouldn't live more than 6 months a few days before Father's Day & by the next he was gone. Selecting that last Father's Day card was so difficult for me, as it was difficult to read through the tears rolling down my cheeks. I get a bit depressed around this time and around his birthday, which are close together, for his birthday was July 4th. He felt the world gave him a celebration each year. Being the 6th child and only Son after 5 Daughters, he was a special boy to my Grandparents.
He was also very special to my Mother and me, his only child!

My Dad was a kind, gentle Christian man and miss him, you bet I still do! Through the years I would get so upset about him being gone from our lives, that I would sit in my Husband's lap and cry for my Dad. Well, now his Parents are gone also and I know he has sad feelings at time too. We read each other very well, so we'll just give each other a big hug, for words aren't needed.

To say you'll get over it, NO, you won't, for we never get over missing our loved ones. Time passes and we go on and live with it, but that longing for your parent will always be there. Somehow death of a loved one shoots a hole straight through your heart forever. Now we have one parent left, my Mother, and I know when she is gone the hole will only get larger. ....but we'll get through it and enjoy each other, our children and Grandchildren as the years go by and the time we have left wth good health.

Good luck to you, just know you are not alone in grief.
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