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Old 09-28-2018, 06:29 PM   #16
biscuitcreek
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So very sorry for your loss, Okie.
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Old 09-29-2018, 08:25 AM   #17
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thanks again everyone, it's good to be able to talk sometimes even if it is with a keyboard. tomorrow will be one week, that's going to be a tough day.

does anyone have ways of dealing with grief, you look around the house and everywhere you look there is some reminder, you have this urge to pick the phone up and call home.... I've been just trying the old one day at a time and not thinking about tomorrow or next week.
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Old 09-29-2018, 11:14 AM   #18
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Okie, you might think about checking in with some grief support groups, where you can talk/listen to others who are having the same issues. Stay in touch with friends and relatives that can support you and share companionship.
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Old 09-29-2018, 12:45 PM   #19
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Some thoughts from a grief survivor

Okie-

First and foremost, I am sorry for your loss and am saying prayers for your healing and for strength and comfort.

Having lost a long-time spouse, I am, unfortunately, familiar with the raw pain and emotions that follow. Everyone grieves somewhat differently but there is some commonality in what you go through. Many have mentioned the emptiness. What struck me from the beginning, was the silence in the house. There is an old phrase that "silence was deafening". That was the way it was for me.

Another thing was that I caught myself thinking; "I can't wait to share this experience with Gerry," (my late wife), realizing that I never would be able to again and dissolving into tears of self-pity. It took me quite a while to get past that. I disciplined myself to not break down unless I was alone. It was easier than trying to explain. After a while I realized that MY ongoing grief was for myself and the loss I had suffered as my spouse was no longer suffering the horrible ravages of the pancreatic cancer that took her.

It has been said that time heals. For me, that is a lie. The raw hurt evolved into a dull ache for me, but hurt is hurt. I pray that your healing is more complete than mine.

It has been said that "life goes on", and it does. Forever different, forever changed, but it does go on. You will smile again, (and in the beginning you will feel embarrassment and disloyalty to your absent loved one). You will laugh again, (and feel the same conflicting emotions). You will love again. Protect yourself from the expectation that your new love will be the same as the one you lost... it is unfair to your new love and it is unfair to yourself.

One last thing before this becomes a book, rather than a post. Hold the thought that as long as someone remembers the person who was lost, they live. They live in the memories that you shared with them. They live through the memories of them that you shared with others.

May the Lord Bless you and keep you, may the Lord cause His Face to shine upon you and be gracious to you, may the Lord lift up His countenance upon you and grant you peace.


---tort--
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Old 09-29-2018, 03:04 PM   #20
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Quote:
Originally Posted by OKCtraveler View Post
Okie, you might think about checking in with some grief support groups, where you can talk/listen to others who are having the same issues. Stay in touch with friends and relatives that can support you and share companionship.
Precisely what I was going to suggest. I got plugged in to a Grief Share support group here in town after my mom passed. It was such a huge help in working through things.
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Old 09-30-2018, 10:18 AM   #21
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I am lifting you in my prayers Okie, and have taken your advice and am holding tight and hugging those near and dear to me.
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Old 10-01-2018, 06:10 AM   #22
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Sending lots of hugs and prayers your way, Okie. ♥️
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Old 10-01-2018, 02:32 PM   #23
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Oh Okie...so sorry for your loss..
I've not been here in awhile, but I want you to know that even though we've never met in person, I've always thought of you as a part of my family and my friend. I will be praying for you daily, that God gives you comfort, and peace. Death leaves a void that can not be filled...but the earth shattering sting will get a little better with time...but a very long time.
Praying for you dear friend...and will continue to..Also sending big hugs!! ❤️❤️
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Old 10-03-2018, 10:01 AM   #24
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Okie, "One day at a time" is all that you can do.
I lost my daughter 3 1/2 years ago and sometimes it feels as if it were yesterday.
Over time, it does get easier. You will begin to remember good times.
Be sure to talk about your loved one. It will enable others to talk about them as well.
Saying prayers for you as you go through this very difficult time.
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Old 10-03-2018, 12:00 PM   #25
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Like others I have never met you, but have enjoyed your posts for many years.
My deepest sympathies to you during this time. You and your family are in my prayers..
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Old 10-04-2018, 02:35 PM   #26
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tortminder View Post
Okie-

First and foremost, I am sorry for your loss and am saying prayers for your healing and for strength and comfort.

Having lost a long-time spouse, I am, unfortunately, familiar with the raw pain and emotions that follow. Everyone grieves somewhat differently but there is some commonality in what you go through. Many have mentioned the emptiness. What struck me from the beginning, was the silence in the house. There is an old phrase that "silence was deafening". That was the way it was for me.

Another thing was that I caught myself thinking; "I can't wait to share this experience with Gerry," (my late wife), realizing that I never would be able to again and dissolving into tears of self-pity. It took me quite a while to get past that. I disciplined myself to not break down unless I was alone. It was easier than trying to explain. After a while I realized that MY ongoing grief was for myself and the loss I had suffered as my spouse was no longer suffering the horrible ravages of the pancreatic cancer that took her.

It has been said that time heals. For me, that is a lie. The raw hurt evolved into a dull ache for me, but hurt is hurt. I pray that your healing is more complete than mine.

It has been said that "life goes on", and it does. Forever different, forever changed, but it does go on. You will smile again, (and in the beginning you will feel embarrassment and disloyalty to your absent loved one). You will laugh again, (and feel the same conflicting emotions). You will love again. Protect yourself from the expectation that your new love will be the same as the one you lost... it is unfair to your new love and it is unfair to yourself.

One last thing before this becomes a book, rather than a post. Hold the thought that as long as someone remembers the person who was lost, they live. They live in the memories that you shared with them. They live through the memories of them that you shared with others.

May the Lord Bless you and keep you, may the Lord cause His Face to shine upon you and be gracious to you, may the Lord lift up His countenance upon you and grant you peace.


---tort--
Beautifully said and very, very true. We all have to find a "new normal". A Branson trip was and annual event for my daughter and I. We had very special times there. She died 3 1/2 years ago and I miss her every day.
Don't be afraid to lean on friends and loved ones..
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